And Life Rolls On...

...and on. I spent 30 minutes in the bathroom this morning (I promise, this will NOT be TMI!) with a child on my lap who was losing it. Round and round he went with his circling arguments never getting anywhere, because we all know that going in circles never gets you any place you want to go.

"I tan't be twiet! I told you one million-one hundred tosuand times I don't know how to be twiet! I am TIRSTY!!! I am going to die of being tirsty! I will not be twiet betause I told you I tan't be twiet!!!"

On and on it goes. I was very calm as I sat with him in my arms. Praying for help. And he would not be quiet. I called Daddy, but he was in a meeting, so no help from that quarter.

I thought of all the people who look at my child and say (I have heard them) that all he needs is a good spanking. That we do not have control of our child. That he runs our house. That they would NEVER allow their child to act this way.

Guess what? Sometimes he is out of control....aren't YOU sometimes out of control too? Do you ever have emotions that you don't know what to do with, boiling up inside you and making you want to scream with frustration or anger? I know I do.

So how can we (me included here) expect a five year old that has been through what my five year old has been through in his short life to have it all together? To know how to act all the time and to do it well? I have not been through what he has been through and I don't act like I know I should!

So, back to this morning...as I sat there with him snuggled in my lap (for though his words were angry and his tone harsh, he was snuggled up to me for comfort) I just started to pray out loud for him. For God to use his strength to help people and not hurt them. I prayed for every part of him, his mind, his eyes, his ears, his heart, his feet - the whole of AJ - that God would use him for good things. That AJ would be willing to listen to God, to learn from Him and from Mommy and Daddy, so that he could be used by God for the purpose for which he was created. For while some may think that this child should never have been born, that he was an accident, I know the truth. God has a plan for this little man.

And after I finished praying, I helped him to pray. To ask God to help him. It was the sweetest moment...because as soon as I started praying for him, he stopped his arguing to listen. To listen to me speak words of love and affirmation over him. To hear me crying out to God on his behalf. It was not the way I had hoped to start my morning, and yet, if it happens this way every day, I will be honored to bring my child to the throne!

So, please don't judge him. He is a boy who needs your love and prayers. A boy who God knew before He created him in his mother's womb. A boy who will do mighty things for the Lord because he has the passion and determination to get it done.

I am honored to be this boy's Momma.

Divine Interruption

Yes, I know I stole the name for this blog post from my dear friend's blog (http://divineinterruptions.blogspot.com/) but those words just keep running through my mind in the early hours of this new day.

You see, I am in the middle of a divine interruption. It is more of a cataclysm, really. The earth under my feet is roaring and shaking. But somehow, I am as calm and quiet as a child in it's mothers arms. I feel that "peace that passes all understanding" running through my veins. It is an awesome if not sometimes confusing feeling.

About six weeks ago, we felt God calling us to move back across the country to be closer to our family. We have always wanted to be by them, especially since we became parents, but never before have we felt this compelling urge to make it happen. In fact, I have often said that I would never leave this world I now call home, unless my family needed me back in hot, humid Georgia. Yes, I did say never, but not in the "Uh-uh, no way, I ain't going back there no more, no more, no more!", but more in the "I am happy here. Content. I love where we are and what my life has become." kind of way.

There are competing emotions to be sure. On one hand, I am thrilled that I am going to be within minutes of my sister and her family. And my parents are talking about moving up that way too, which would be just awesome! I will also be near my Georgia family, many of whom have known me since we first moved there when I was seven years old! But as I lay in bed tonight, wakened by these thoughts swirling through my mind, I suddenly realized that yes, they have known me most of my life, but they don't know the woman I have become, especially in the last five years since I became a mom.

The woman I am now has been shaped by a core of friends who know me like no one back home has had the chance to know me. They have helped me become the woman I am today and I am a better person for knowing them.

I could right this moment, at 4 am, call any one of them and say "I need you" and they would jump in their cars and be here as fast as they could. Not many people are that blessed, to be sure, to have such dear, true friends of the heart.

I am not really sure why God is calling me away from my Colorado sisters, what plans He has for us, what things are headed our way. But I do know this. God is good, all the time. The plans He has for us can not be improved upon. So while my heart aches and breaks as the the time for leaving gets closer and closer, I still know that the best place to be is in the center of His will for my life, there in the arms of my Father.

Mommy vacation...sort of...

Day 8: Last Thursday morning, I leaned over to pick up my robe from a chair and WAMO!! Those delicate little nerves, the ones that start out in your brain, come twining down your spinal column and out under a disc, the little darlings that let you walk and flex your toes - they decided that the pressure was too much and decided to SCREAM their protest! So scream they did, like a fire hot poker being shoved down my left leg. Yikes!

So here I recline on my bed for the eighth day in a row...the break that every mother of little ones dreams of...being told: Rest! "You must lay down 45 minutes, then up to walk for 15. Repeat." Add a little traction, a ride on the inversion table, a visit every few days for an adjustment and 'electrocution' at my new best friend's place - my chiropractor.

And I am reminded of a pertinent scripture: "A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." Pro 16:9

I had many plans for this month. We started school last week...we completed only two days. Fun things to wrap up summer. A state fair, perhaps. Many, many plans that have all gone awry.

But I keep hearing stories all around me...people whose lives were changed forever after a train at a kids park flipped over; people who are undergoing surgery to remove cancer, and others for whom surgery is not even an option. Stories of children living in brothels in India who were offered a future and a hope, but whose families needed the money they would provide by "working the line", so their dreams were cut off.

So I say, Thank you Lord, that this is temporary. That I have a husband who loves me and is willing to do whatever he needs to do, to take care of me. That my awesome Mom was willing to come out early to help with the kids and the house. And for my Dad, who is willing to do without her for six long weeks. That my sweet kids come by regularly to see if I need anything, to get me fresh water or to see if I am a "yittle bit better". That I have friends who are willing to take time out of their busy lives to come here, bringing food and helping hands.

I am well and truly blessed.

Hands...

...they say it all, don't you think?

My Aunt came over today with my cousin, and I am always amazed when I see my Aunt, how much her hands remind me of my mom's and my Grandfather's hands. Just seeing them reminds me of two people who I love dearly, and in the case of my Grandfather who died many years ago, miss so much. Living so far from family, I am always keenly aware of the people with whom I have a biological connection, a shared memory of events that happened long, long ago. I love my family and am so blessed to have such a great family to be a part of.

A New Look

I was taking a look at my blog, and realized that it was dark! So I decided to brighten it up a little bit - what do you think?

Even though it is so busy this time of year, I am feeling really excited about this Christmas. I know that spending it with family is a big bonus, but I am also finally coming to a place where I am letting go of some things from the past.

When I was little, we moved from NY to GA, and I really think that I have spent a lot of years trying to "get back" to what I remembered about those times. There was spaghetti with all the aunts, uncles and cousins at Grandma's house every Sunday, and sledding across the street in the huge fields, playing in the 'crik' behind the house, and ice skating on our neighbors frozen swimming pool.

We moved suddenly, and I am sure that I did not have a clue about what was going on, I just knew that my ordinary, regular old life was gone, and everything I owned (that had not been left behind) was in a big U-Haul truck driven by my Dad, up in front of the car where my Mom, brother and sister rode. At one point, we had to pull over and get gas, and my Dad did not see us, and kept driving. That was a big deal for a six year old! I thought I would never see my Dad ever again.

Of course, we did find each other and finally made it to our destination. Things were not easy, being a little girl from the north who looked funny and dressed funny and talked funny. But looking back, I can really see how God was beside me every step of my walk through those sometimes very difficult years. I can see how he was molding me and shaping me, making me into the woman that he created me to be.

I am also constantly amazed at how my Mom made the most boring things fun! Other than the difficulties at school (I am still trying to figure out what x and y are...), my childhood was so much fun!! We went camping and swimming and did things with friends from church. I had so many "moms", because we all just called each others parents Mom and Dad - it was easier that way! I am really blessed!

So, back to what I wanted to say at the beginning, I am so happy this year, because I am completely content with who I am and where I am in my life. Yes, being the mom to three kids under six years old is crazy at times, but God is always faithful and He has never left me alone. There is so much comfort in that. Besides that, I have a truly amazing husband, who loves God and his family and works so hard to make sure that we have what we need and so much more. He is so self-less and I can see how the training he received as a boy has really payed off for us as his family.

I am also blessed to be surrounded by a group of women who also love God and their families and I can't tell you how much that means to me! I truly can't think of anything that could be added to my life.

So, as you journey through your life, my prayer for you is that no matter how hard things have been, or how hard they are now, or how hard they will be in the future, know that God loves you. He has His hand on you - so lean into it and receive everything that He has to offer!

Merry Christmas!!

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