Holland is Beautiful!

Have you read this before?

"When you’re going to have a baby , it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Sistine Chapel, Gondolas. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting. After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland!” “Holland?” you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.” But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It’s just a different place. So, you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around. You begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. And Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.” And the pain of that experience will never, ever, ever, go away. The loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland."

This was written in 1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley...let's see, in 1987 I was engaged to my husband, planning to marry the following New Years and start a family right away. In my plans, we would quickly have a house full of children, whom I would stay home with and homeschool. Each of them would be perfectly well mannered, talented at something and always say "Yes, Ma'am" and "No, Ma'am". They would never disobey, never lie or do anything to embarrass me in public and never yell at me and call me an idiot!!

You see, I had made my plans. I was going to Italy, and no mistake about it!

So, what happened? How is it that I find myself in Holland with a special needs child who does not speak the language I know? What do I do with this child God has given me, who yells at me and calls me names. Who hits me and lashes out in anger. Who does not save his theatrics for home, but will explode just about anywhere, for who knows how long. This child. This child does NOT speak Italian!

This child. This child with the amazing green eyes. This child with a sense of humor that has me laughing every day. This child who knows things beyond his years. Who has endured things I don't even want to contemplate. Who has an inner strength and fortitude that is formidable. This child who loves his Mommy. Whose favorite place after a big explosion is curled up in Mommy's lap. This child speaks Dutch.

Guess what? I am starting to learn Dutch. I have thrown out my Italian language books, my Fromer's guides, my links to good Italian restaurants. I am developing a taste for bread and herring, for cheese and sausage. I am learning to love living in a place I never wanted to go. I am beginning to accept that Holland is exactly the place for us.

Women of Purpose and Passion

It's been almost five years ago now, when I got the call that made me a mom. "I've got some kids here, I think you need to hear about. I think that you would be a good match for each other." And so began a journey that continues today. It has not always been an easy road to walk. I went through several months of depression as my dreams of what motherhood would be synced with the reality of what motherhood is. During those early days, I cried out to God to please, please, give me friends, Lord. Friends who are moms, who love you and love their husbands. Friends who are passionate about things that really matter.

Which brings us to today. Today I am surrounded by friends, women of purpose and passion, who love God, love their husbands, friends who are moms. God has answered my prayers beyond anything I could have imagined.

I have friends who are passionate about unborn life. Who despite their fears of loss of relationship, loss of family, took a stand when women they knew were poised on the brink of ending their child's life. Sometimes a miracle happened and life was saved, family was strengthened. Sometimes, things did not work out the way we had hoped, and friendships ended, life ended. Regardless, I know that our Father will say to both of my friends, "Well done,
Daughter. You did what I asked. I will take it from here."

I have friends who are passionate about women and children caught in the horror of the sex slave trade. These friends actively raise money and awareness to help the victims of this horrible 'business'. One of them almost single handedly put together a 5K race which raised $7500 to help an organization in Germany which helps women escape slavery.

I have several friends who are passionate about orphans and those who are abandoned because they don't match the image that society demands. In fact, many of the friends I now have are now pursuing or have plans to pursue adoption...which as you know, is near and dear to my own heart. One of these dear friends has a passion to adopt, but instead of forcing her husband to march to her plans, she has entrusted the whole thing to God, and while she waits on God and shows the utmost respect for her husband, she is helping to raise awareness and money for orphans with Down Syndrome in Russia. These monies will allow families who want to adopt these children, but who do not have the required $25,000, to do so...uniting forever a child without hope with a family who will love them always.

I also now have friends who are passionate about motherhood, about raising and educating their children to love and serve our mighty God. These women also face rejection and criticism, for in our world today, those are not often qualities that are highly valued. Many times my friends have lost relationships because they stand firm in their convictions. But they continue to walk the path God has put them on, despite the pain and loss that they experience.

Which brings me back to today. God is calling me out of this proving ground, out of this safe haven of women who are passionate about the same things as I am. Women who have helped shape and mold me into the woman, the mother that I am today. We are leaving Colorado soon. Moving back to be near our families. On one hand, I am filled with joy to be close to my parents and my sister and her family. To be able to raise my children with their cousins, for you see, this too has always been a dream of mine. On the other hand, I am having to leave my friends. These sisters of the heart. But God has proven Himself faithful. I have seen what He can do, of how bountifully he answers the longings of our hearts. So I walk forward in faith, in obedience, and with anticipation! For now, not only do I have these dear friends behind me, still loving and supporting me, but the anticipation of what is before me.

Success?

Success...how do you measure success in schooling? 100's on papers, complete mastery of a subject, a college scholarship or maybe the praise of someone whose opinion you value?

For me, success in our homeschool journey looks a little different. When I see the things we are studying coming out of my kids in all different kinds of ways, then I count that as success. When E comes in with eyes shining and all excited about a couple of old bike wheels, because he sees that he is one step closer to creating a "real" glider, or when AJ uses his God given gift with numbers to help his brother or sister answer a math question, or when L arranges an elaborate adventure for the other kids outside, with elements of the great books she reads, then I count our homeschooling journey thus far as a success.

When I hear the kids talk to their Daddy about what we are reading about, and he asks them questions and they answer them...even when it might not be exactly what we talked about, but they were able to pull from the knowledge that we are pouring into them...then that is success.

I even count it as success when they are eating lunch and they are taking bites out of their nachos to make them into the shapes of the states we have been studying, and they get the name AND the shape right - that is success - and quite a lot of fun besides!

I am so thankful that I am able to educate our children at home. There is really nothing that I would rather be doing right now...even when we go through tough times like the last few weeks, when it seems that every step forward also involves 10 steps back. I think it is being able to savor each step, good or bad, knowing that we are doing our best to equip our children to live the lives that God created them to live. They had a rough start, my three sweet babies....but by God's grace, they will finish this race and hear: "Well done, my good and faithful servant" when they get to the end of their road...that my friends is true success!

Change, it is acomin'

Three years ago, a green-eyed, blond haired little boy entered our lives, and nothing has been the same since that first day. We have had some hard times, lots of them actually, but I am here to say that this little mischievous kid has made a mark on our home, and we will never be the same - thank the good Lord!



He has grown from a one-year-old, non-verbal, tantruming force to be reckoned with to a delightful almost five year old. He is funny without trying, seems to have a mind for math, and slays me with those green eyes of his, every time I take the time to look deeply into them.

Two days ago, we had a first. Our first ever day with no tantrums, no arguing, no time-outs - a truly amazing day...and I don't want to forget where we came from in the process of where we are going. I know that God has some big plans for this little boy. I also know that life with him will never be easy...but I know from deep down in my heart that he is supposed to be my son. That God is using my struggles with Pineapple to shape and mold ME, to make me a better mom and a better child of God. I just pray that in the process, I will be the Mom that God created me to be for Pineapple. For we are surely knit together in a way that only God can knit two people together.

A bit of a rant...

...after all, this is my blog, so I guess I can write whatever I want - right?

I am going to say, before you read the rest of this, that some of it might be hard to read. I am not directing this toward anyone in particular - please understand that!! But after awhile of hearing some of the things you will read below, I need to try and help people understand.

Today, a lady who I know meant well, but is not informed, asked me, in front of my beloved children - "Which of your kids are real siblings?" I'm sorry, but did you just hear what you said?!?! They are all real siblings!! Did you mean to ask, "Which of your children have the same birth parents?", because that is a totally different question!

I know that many people don't know "adoption lingo". For those of us who have adopted, we have learned it, and unless we want to hide the fact that we are a family splendidly put together by God's loving hands, then the subject does come up. For myself, I often bring up adoption as a way to introduce the idea that foster adoption is a great way to build a family and that there are many, many wonderful children out there just waiting for their forever families.

I guess that I could do more to educate those who don't "know the lingo" and not just get crazy mad when people ask stupid questions. So here goes:

1) Please think about what you are asking before you say it. How is the adopted child going to feel, hearing the question that you want to ask? Would it be better to set up a time to talk to the adoptive parents to have your questions answered?

2) Also, do you want to ask questions because you really care, because you are interested in adoption for your family, or are you just being nosy? I know that sounds harsh, but how would you feel if someone came up to you and said "Was your daughter/son conceived before you were married?" or some other very personal question?

3) Please don't ask us any questions about our children's past. If we want you to know, we will tell you. There are many, many things that happen in adopted children's lives that are excruciatingly painful. I am sure that you have things in your life that are painful too. Again, how would you feel if you shared them with someone close to you, and then later, you came in and heard that close friend discussing your story with a stranger? Some things, I think you will agree, need to remain in confidence.

4) Don't ask who the "real" parents are, or ask where my kid's "real" mom is. You are looking at her!! I would say that the "real" parents are the ones who nurse the child through an illness, who laugh with them, cry with them... you get the picture. The "proper" way to ask that question is to say "Do you know where her birth mother is?" - but again, why are you asking that question? Please refer back to #'s 2 and 3.

5) Please don't talk bad about my kid's birth parents, especially in front of my kids. If you are anything like me, you have also made some really bad choices in your life. To God, sin is sin. Period. My kids birth parents loved their children - or they would have just sucked them down a sink before they were born. So don't go talking bad about the people who gave my children life, just because they could not make good choices for their children after they were born. My children love their birth parents, just as you love your birth parents, no matter how you were treated as a child.

I think that the bottom line here is to think before you speak. Think about what you are asking. Would you mind someone asking you such a personal question? Would there be a better time to have this discussion? If you were the child, would you want to hear these questions asked over your head, as if you were not standing right there?

I am more than happy to talk to any and every one about adoption and what a wonderful, amazing thing that it can be in your life. But please, be aware. For while it may seem that my kids are playing and not listening, trust me, they are listening.

Adoption is an awesome way to build a family! If you don't feel called to do it yourself (and believe me, don't try it if you are not called!!), then try and find a family that is, and see what you can do to help them out.

If you live nearby and want to get more involved, check out this link for Project 1.27: http://www.project127.com/ Their goal is to fulfill James 1:27 : "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." We are all commanded to look after the orphans, but not all are called to adopt. There are many ways that you can help adoptive and foster parents to do the job that God has called them to do. Project 1.27 can help you find a way. You can also watch this video to learn more about what they do: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAORLg94x48

And thank you to all of you who have stepped up and helped us in our calling!! We love you and our children love you too!!!

t