Holland is Beautiful!

Have you read this before?

"When you’re going to have a baby , it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Sistine Chapel, Gondolas. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting. After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland!” “Holland?” you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.” But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It’s just a different place. So, you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around. You begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. And Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.” And the pain of that experience will never, ever, ever, go away. The loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland."

This was written in 1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley...let's see, in 1987 I was engaged to my husband, planning to marry the following New Years and start a family right away. In my plans, we would quickly have a house full of children, whom I would stay home with and homeschool. Each of them would be perfectly well mannered, talented at something and always say "Yes, Ma'am" and "No, Ma'am". They would never disobey, never lie or do anything to embarrass me in public and never yell at me and call me an idiot!!

You see, I had made my plans. I was going to Italy, and no mistake about it!

So, what happened? How is it that I find myself in Holland with a special needs child who does not speak the language I know? What do I do with this child God has given me, who yells at me and calls me names. Who hits me and lashes out in anger. Who does not save his theatrics for home, but will explode just about anywhere, for who knows how long. This child. This child does NOT speak Italian!

This child. This child with the amazing green eyes. This child with a sense of humor that has me laughing every day. This child who knows things beyond his years. Who has endured things I don't even want to contemplate. Who has an inner strength and fortitude that is formidable. This child who loves his Mommy. Whose favorite place after a big explosion is curled up in Mommy's lap. This child speaks Dutch.

Guess what? I am starting to learn Dutch. I have thrown out my Italian language books, my Fromer's guides, my links to good Italian restaurants. I am developing a taste for bread and herring, for cheese and sausage. I am learning to love living in a place I never wanted to go. I am beginning to accept that Holland is exactly the place for us.

And Life Rolls On...

...and on. I spent 30 minutes in the bathroom this morning (I promise, this will NOT be TMI!) with a child on my lap who was losing it. Round and round he went with his circling arguments never getting anywhere, because we all know that going in circles never gets you any place you want to go.

"I tan't be twiet! I told you one million-one hundred tosuand times I don't know how to be twiet! I am TIRSTY!!! I am going to die of being tirsty! I will not be twiet betause I told you I tan't be twiet!!!"

On and on it goes. I was very calm as I sat with him in my arms. Praying for help. And he would not be quiet. I called Daddy, but he was in a meeting, so no help from that quarter.

I thought of all the people who look at my child and say (I have heard them) that all he needs is a good spanking. That we do not have control of our child. That he runs our house. That they would NEVER allow their child to act this way.

Guess what? Sometimes he is out of control....aren't YOU sometimes out of control too? Do you ever have emotions that you don't know what to do with, boiling up inside you and making you want to scream with frustration or anger? I know I do.

So how can we (me included here) expect a five year old that has been through what my five year old has been through in his short life to have it all together? To know how to act all the time and to do it well? I have not been through what he has been through and I don't act like I know I should!

So, back to this morning...as I sat there with him snuggled in my lap (for though his words were angry and his tone harsh, he was snuggled up to me for comfort) I just started to pray out loud for him. For God to use his strength to help people and not hurt them. I prayed for every part of him, his mind, his eyes, his ears, his heart, his feet - the whole of AJ - that God would use him for good things. That AJ would be willing to listen to God, to learn from Him and from Mommy and Daddy, so that he could be used by God for the purpose for which he was created. For while some may think that this child should never have been born, that he was an accident, I know the truth. God has a plan for this little man.

And after I finished praying, I helped him to pray. To ask God to help him. It was the sweetest moment...because as soon as I started praying for him, he stopped his arguing to listen. To listen to me speak words of love and affirmation over him. To hear me crying out to God on his behalf. It was not the way I had hoped to start my morning, and yet, if it happens this way every day, I will be honored to bring my child to the throne!

So, please don't judge him. He is a boy who needs your love and prayers. A boy who God knew before He created him in his mother's womb. A boy who will do mighty things for the Lord because he has the passion and determination to get it done.

I am honored to be this boy's Momma.

Happy Dance!!!

I am so happy right now, I could DANCE!!!! And I am not really a dancer...

I have been really focusing on AJ the last few days, making him a calendar and then making him a book with his "Plans". I talked to my friend Carrie, http://schoolrethunk.blogspot.com/2010/10/daily-schedule.html who learned this technique of making plans from a sensory program she had her son enrolled in. Basically, a Plan is something visual that you make for your child, that has all the steps required to do something...anything that needs to get done. It helps kids who can't necessarily keep it all in their minds or who let their emotions get in the way of their thinking. It also helps kids who need to know what is coming.

So here are a few pics from AJ's book. He decided to call it "Austin's 'Making Good Choices' Book":



Page One is a weekly schedule that says what time we are going to eat, when he gets up, what days and times he showers....'nothing' things to me, but things that have consistently caused problems for our day to day life. The morning is on the front of the page, and the afternoon and evening are on the back.



Page Two is his plan for getting up in the morning. I am sending him to bed with a little timer that has a clock on it and by his book, he knows what time to get up. Then he refers to his plan, and follows it step by step, til he gets to the end of the plan. I can't tell you how much more smoothly our mornings have been going, as we get this more firmly set into place.



There is also a plan for bedtime, and one for showers. It seems crazy to me to have to list out each little step - but hey, if it works, I am good!



We also have a consequences page and a page that (I hope) is going to help me teach him not to interrupt. We will see how it goes!



The last thing in the book is a few blank pages that I can write on with Vis-a-vis...for days like today...and hence, my reason for dancing!

This afternoon we took Sweet Girl to art and then made a quick grocery store run. Every 5 minutes I kept changing my plan for the afternoon. As time passed, AJ got more and more agitated and combative. We finally got home, and I sent them outside to play and he kept stealing anything that Jalapeno tried to play with and was basically terrorizing the back yard. I brought him in to put him in his room and he lost it. He started hitting me and screaming...all the behaviors we were seeing before we started with The Plan.

I grabbed him up and snuggled him in my lap so he could not hit me any more, and told him that I understood that he was disappointed about the changing plans but that hitting and screaming was not the way to deal with it. I had him apologize to me, which he readily did, his anger already gone. Then he and I got his book and sat down and I wrote out for him what was going to be happening for the rest of the day. I gave him the timer/clock and he very happily and calmly went down to the playroom until it was time to go get SG. Now, you must understand that in the past (as recently as Monday) an explosion like this would have lasted for 1-1 1/2 hours, with lots of consequences, time out and yelling...none of which either of us wants.



All of these happenings have really made me pay attention to my child this week. Yelling "knock it off!" from my chair in front of the computer just does not work with him (or the other kids either, to be honest), and though I am wondering how all this will look when we are in a bit more "normal life mode", seeing such quick results makes me want to stick with this, even if it is hard. I have hope again, that I will be able to take this child out in public without a scene every time we leave the van...hope!! It is a beautiful thing!

I am so thankful that God heard my cries for help and has given me tools to use that really help me to be a better mom to my child. I have hated the way I have been feeling toward him, and so appreciate this chance for a do-over! God is good...ALL the time!

A peek into the day of an (almost) five-year-old

Sleeping in…blueberry pancakes…playing war with Bubba…unloading the dishwasher…swimming in the pool…sunshine…blue skies…diving rings…face underwater…playing in the pea gravel…nachos with cheese…a nap in the playroom…clouds rolling in…rain…thunder…lightening…driving with Mommy…a rainbow in the sky…God’s promise to us…bag pipes and dancing…Amazing Grace…fried chicken and biscuits…millet & limas…five candles…yummy ice cream cake…chocolate ice cream…nuts…a new bike…toys to build with…a baseball bat and glove…an orange camping chair…a new bike…trios…special gifts from Bubba & YaYa…playing with the new toys…driving in the rain…questions…questions… watching fireworks…running in the rain…church parking lot… fireworks…fireworks…everywhere we look more fireworks…red…blue…purple…flowers…poppers…screamers…
God’s fireworks flashing in the sky…at the park…cozy with my family…five years old!

July 4th, 2010
A few days early, but what a day!

Overheard in the playroom...

..."I don't want a Mommy who says 'no'. I want a Mommy who says "yes" every day!" Pineapple, talking to himself during quiet time today.

Change, it is acomin'

Three years ago, a green-eyed, blond haired little boy entered our lives, and nothing has been the same since that first day. We have had some hard times, lots of them actually, but I am here to say that this little mischievous kid has made a mark on our home, and we will never be the same - thank the good Lord!



He has grown from a one-year-old, non-verbal, tantruming force to be reckoned with to a delightful almost five year old. He is funny without trying, seems to have a mind for math, and slays me with those green eyes of his, every time I take the time to look deeply into them.

Two days ago, we had a first. Our first ever day with no tantrums, no arguing, no time-outs - a truly amazing day...and I don't want to forget where we came from in the process of where we are going. I know that God has some big plans for this little boy. I also know that life with him will never be easy...but I know from deep down in my heart that he is supposed to be my son. That God is using my struggles with Pineapple to shape and mold ME, to make me a better mom and a better child of God. I just pray that in the process, I will be the Mom that God created me to be for Pineapple. For we are surely knit together in a way that only God can knit two people together.

Argumentative!

Argumentative!

OK, so you know that whole thing about the duckbill platypus showing that God really has a sense of humor? Well I am sure that He does.

Exhibit A: My son, Pineapple. The child was born to argue. Everything. Whether it is really something he wants, or not.

Example 1: Said child argues every morning about eating oatmeal. Every morning. This morning, being the kind momma that I am, I decided to make eggs for breakfast, to give them a change.

When Pineapple asked what we were having for breakfast, I said "Eggs!", thinking he would be so excited!! Was he? NO. "Mommy, I want to eat oatmeal!!! I don't want eggs!!" So, I gave him oatmeal, and what did he do, you ask (do you really have to ask?!)? He argued about eating the oatmeal!! AAGGGHHH!!!!!

So, I do believe that God has a sense of humor. I also believe that my Mom (and probably my Dad) are laughing hysterically too, because God has given me a child just like I was when I was a kid. No matter the genetics involved, that old adage about your kids being like you, well, it's true.

And for that matter, my husband is probably reading this and thinking, "Yep, just like his Momma!", because I still argue about lots of things too.

Oh, well. Keeps life interesting, I guess!

Oh, Happy Day!!

OK, I know it has been a while since I wrote...I kinda got sucked into Facebook, and well, you know.

Anyway, I have been struggling with getting my little Pineapple potty trained. I mean, he is 3 1/2 and for Heaven's sake, shouldn't he be out of diapers by now!! He's been doing pretty well with "#1", not always dry, but if I put him on, he goes. It's "#2" that has been a problem. I never could figure out what the problem was, but he refuses, I mean flat out refuses to poop on the potty.

I have been praying about it (yes, praying! Doesn't the Bible say for us to bring all our cares to the Lord? Well, I am going to take it literally - Jesus was a little boy once too!) and today I decided that we were going in and not coming out till we had something to show for it - literally!!

So, at 9 am we entered The Zone. #1 - check

9:15 Jalapeno is finished with breakfast and comes to see what is going on. I promise that we will bake cookies if Pineapple goes poop. I know, bribery, but I got payed bonuses for selling certain things (bribery)...it is the way of the world.

9:30-10:30 - We (yes, all four of us) crowd into the three by five bathroom for morning story time. My legs are falling asleep, perched as I am on a little, tiny stool. More #1 - check, check

10:30-11:30 - Tired of books (and needing to get school done for Sweet Potato) I move a bar stool and my lap top into the tiny space. Having promised "not to leave", I crouch in the door, while the boys watch Letter Factory (thanks Ang!!). Sweet Potato and I move quickly through memorizing the books of the Bible, our daily spelling, reading about Moses getting ready to take the frogs to Pharaoh, gn/kn making the n sound...you get the idea. More #1, check, check, check

11:30 - I am really hungry by now. I have been feeding the little tyke anything that I can think of that will "get him moving" - rice milk, raisins, apple slices. But if I stay away longer than a nano-second, I start hearing him crying and calling for me. So I have not eaten yet today, but that is okay! I am committed to this endeavor!!

11:45 - I feed big kids and take a plate in to "the one who will not be swayed". More apple slices, and half a sandwich. He's "not hungry" - big surprise, he's been eating all morning, there can't possibly be any room in there!!

12:15 - 12:45 - The big kids head up to quiet time and Pineapple and I enter into a long discourse of "you need to go poop, so you can take a nap"..."I don't want to poop - I all done". He has been taking turns of standing in the bathroom, and sitting on the potty, so his little legs did not fall off, but he is really determined that he is not going to go. I am more determined that we are not leaving that room til we have poop!

12:45 - I suggest he stand up, and he says "no Mommy, I pooping!" And low and behold, he is right!! And it just keeps coming and coming and coming!! "I pooped four poops!" my little pooper exclaims...and proceeds to call due all the promises of the morning: two M&M's, cookies...

We did a big Happy Dance, called Daddy and left a Poopy Message and danced up stairs to tell the other kids what an excellent job he had done. He was so excited!!!

So now we will be baking cookies this afternoon, and hopefully, we (our littlest we, anyway) will be doing some more pooping without the long drawn out affairs of this morning. Pray for us!!

What a difference a year makes!

Wow! Last year about this time, I drove with the kids to see my brother in Telluride. My little Pineapple, whose vocabulary was limited to "wawa" (water) and "NO!", nearly drove me over a cliff with his insistence on pointing out every, and I do mean every, drop of water that he saw on the way there and back. I began to believe that this was my lot in life, and that I was going to just have to get used to it.

Fast forward one year, to a car ride in the rain last night. Still fascinated with water, my Pineapple pointed out that "the road is wet Mommy", yes, I agreed, it is wet. "It is probably raining" he said. Probably raining?!?! How in the world did we go from "wawa, wawa! WAWA!!!" to probably raining?? Oh, yeah - that would be God - doing miracles in the life a little boy (and his thankful mommy).

Have a happy, rainy day!!

t